Welcome to an opinion.

BIRTHDAY

After the exams will be celebrations :(

Today is turning out to be a good day. After "accidentally" sleeping in past my 10am German tute, which is followed by a "convenient" 4 hours break, I got my PC's power box fixed and got a call from HMV Broadway, asking me to come in for an interview tomorrow.. I'm also doing one of my easy-money jigs tonight, "testing" samples of food for 45mins and getting money in return. Can't say I'm unhappy about that.

Almost nineteen, probably the age where I'll start to give more of a shit about where my life is headed. I think I'll take performance arts next year.. I never did show myself to be any good at acting/drama at school, but in considering how the majority of my school career "developed", its safe to say that school wasn't really a good reference point.
I'm still going strong with the "borrowing library books that are totally irrelevant to anything I'm studying, and never really reading the prescribed texts, mostly because I've read them already" thing, because there's nothing like reading about the history of punk (1970s-80s) the day before I've got a poetry assignment due.

Uni's gut. Nothing like languages and their totally skewed ratios between gents and ladies (lots more femmes, of course). Spanish is highly recommended.

It's ironic that when I have the most time to myself, I struggle to do the things I really enjoy doing. It's as if there is too much time to fill.

having gut pain sucks. it really does, it is like sharp, jolting pains through your stomach area that fluctuate.. a doctor once described it as "knives in the intestine."

im not sure what it was, a nervous reaction with all the junk shit i ate today or whatnot.. frankly i really couldnt be bothered thinking about what it could be, rather just remain calm and try to think less about it. This is easy to say, and damned well hard to do, but seemingly upon a relative calm does it slightly fade.

I haven't experienced this for a fair while. So the sign isn't too good, but it should go away soon.


I feel it is almost the right time to initiate, "Spanish Education Plan". Though the recent times have been of fatigue and pain, as well as general crappiness in several aspects of my existence, Year 12 has begun and I feel that because it is the start to a new year I can try to establish some more prominent interests.

Paul McCartney and Wings is a rather excellent group also, I must say.

Someone start a discussion or something. It is rather boring at the moment, and pain is best forgotten, at the moment, through conversing.

Cool. So basically I spent the whole day labouring and am currently sitting with severe bodily malfunctions in my back and hands, among other vital limbs and organs.

The gist of it was, I got an offer from my brother's good friend to assist him on Saturdays, with generally gardening and some landscaping he did around the relatively local districts. So after a while of procrastinating and not confirming, etc., I sorted it out and started the first work today.
There were several "conditions" that I took in my stride while considering taking the "position".. actually it took me about a month to bother making a decision, because Dr. Procrastination was assessing the importance of the situation:

(a) good pay - $15 minimum an hour. One would expect to work several hours per job.
(b) some decent company
(c) fairly hard labour, at times in the sun, which I hoped would sort out some of my more external health "issues".
(d) the fact that it was, indeed, a job that wasn't expected to be done every single Saturday.. so, to use an example, the two concerts I have over the next two weeks, Taste of Chaos and Arch Enemy respectively, will most likely allow me to have the day off.

Now, not to say that I didn't expect a decent, substantial amount of labour, but when we turned up at this joint (some Kids' Nursery/Childcare establishment) the torrid realisation that this job was in fact HELL IN A PIT OF SAND struck me rather violently.

There was a pit of sand. It needed to be emptied of most of its sand, refilled with new sand from some pile and then we had to clean the joint up.

The pit of sand was large, let me tell you. It was a 7 X 7 X 5 X 5m arena of demonic, intensive labour. The thing is, I HAD TO SHOVEL THE SAND BY MYSELF INTO TWO WHEELBARROWS WHILE THIS GUY WAS TAKING THEM TO THE TRUCK. WHAT THE HELL? I SWEAR, I DID MY BACK IN IN FORTY TWO DIFFERENT PLACES, HAD THREE BLISTERS (THAT OPENED...SUCKS!) AND RECEIVED TWO VERY RAW HANDS, STOOD IN MUGGY FULL SUNLIGHT FOR A WHILE THAT I REALLY ENJOYED, THEN PROCEEDED TO LOAD THE PIT WITH NEW SAND, AND LEVEL IT.. !!!!!!??)

I dont know why the hell people need new sand, when the goddamn kids/leaves/dirt are going to dirty it with their crap in a week anyway.

Ok, so i got $120 out of it.. but in the process killed limbs, corked several elements in my back and generally cleaned up the health of my body..

I HAD A GOOD DAY.. EIGHT HOURS OF HARD LABOUR IS WHAT WE NEED TO BRING THE REVOLUTION ABOUT.. JOIN THE PROLETARIAN MASSES.. GAH!

(listen to the band Cream, it had Eric Clapton in it)

Hallo Lieblings.

It remains to be experienced, the amount of work that will be required of the Year 12 syllabus. In all honesty, I have taken the recently dispersed criteria for several subjects in good stead, for much of the content suits my favourable interests quite nicely. I do relish the fact that I will indeed be enjoying Barber's cynical bliss for yet another "year"; frankly if all my teachers were Barbarus I would find an increasing amount of joy within school. But, everything looks quite good for the near future in terms of school.

All of which is rather good: school is that which restricts freedom of action, and to be cynical on the grounds that anyone who learns by ROTE will automatically get higher marks (ie. generally those who come from the Asian education system), of thought also.

How excellent the 1950s-1990 period was. I must say that the music of the past is easier and preferable to listen to in many ways, least of which it is less modified and more laidback. Pop culture also developed rather rapidly.

I shudder to think of what words would come to mind, if one was asked what he/she thought of today's youth. Generally the words, "drugs", "pop music" (ie. bimbotastic teeny-boppers, etc.) and "unruly" would be heard of from the older generation... the comparison between the eras is impossible, because technology and science are so predominant in much of society's development.

By the way, I feel like CRAP. Fatigue = physical and mental shutdown

so basically i gotta go work in about an hour..

im tired, pissed off that i have to put up with the moronic drones that work at the same establishment, and i want to be home before 10pm but i cant..

turns out, im up awake again.

with nothing to do but listen to crooners and old time classics such as Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Fred Astaire..as well as Megadeth, John Lennon, etc.

at the moment im rather pessimistic. i am certainly drained, yes.. and i feel very strange inside my body, like something should be happening but it isn't. things are going slowly.. but im awake, and i guess i can't get to sleep.

thinking about what has happened over the last century.. it is slowly but surely slipping away into oblivion, like the unfortunate years of our lives that one attributes loosely and is unable to regain..

it makes me feel sad, how something so significant like the true dawning of the "pop culture" we as an international community so readily consume, in such superficial and materialistic form as it is with much of the pop music the world audience is laden with today, has limited chances of ever having any future emulation.. something so powerful as James Dean's iconic status and emotional, true and i daresay raw acting, a supergroup that took the world so frantically as the Beatles did or events such as the Vietnam War and the Cold War that, although generations and political campaigners tend to conveniently forget, remain as such vindication and memories of that which has transformed throughout the twentieth century.

i feel quite passionately for the inroads that were made in the past, because it developed so much more in many facets than today's technology-riddled society. the benefits of technology are overwhelming, yes. but these eras really had a more special meaning.

Words of wisdom run
like the spark of a gun
they flow to my pen
no longer undone

who knows their meaning?
who knows what's become
of the thoughts i pursue
that remained none but farflung

Dreams of dreams
screams, requiems
dreadful themes
- that's all it seems.

Blemished are my paws,
they've served fruitful labour.
My life could've been for no cause
Parents did me no favour.

Thinking; I want to be here
but maybe sometimes I don't
want to be...
Lives dictated by fear
Society serves economy faithfully.

blessed with imagination...
society feeds me no reparation
I understand the flaws of Man
and the destruction he commands,
he demands.

for they are flaws to the uncommon,
master strokes to greed and savage,
they cannot be forgotten
ruthless rape, assault and ravage.

"Your opinions fuel victory for Man."



Clear brook flows near,
pale liquid of crystal
It beckons, nourishment
provisions for thee..

Eyes glint mercilessly
in the gloom of technological darkness
Arched back looming to strike
Man has returned for his bloodthirst.

_________________


I had sat, my mind a
confused and distraught
fanaticism. Minions of
pain raged conscience,
rattling within and
expanding tolerance.